It’s Already Our Daughter’s First Gotcha Day, Why We Won’t ‘Celebrate’…

This might be controversial, but I am holding to my guns on this. Our daughter’s first birthday with us is in three days. We are partying tomorrow and will do a more intimate celebration on Monday. The glitz, the glamour, the color explosion all in store for our bright and lively soon-to-be four year old; THEN, 10 days later marks her first gotcha day with us.

And we are doing nothing.

Well not nothing, but while I hear so many people talking about going ‘big’ on the gotcha day for their babies and dogs we will have to pass. Maybe that feels passive or sad to you, but let me tell you why. Our daughter was three when she was placed with us. She wasn’t an infant and she wasn’t a dog out of a shelter like our two rescues, she was THREE, with awareness, and experiences, and while fading quickly, small memories of her life for the first three years. Gotcha day is momentous to our family — yes, but celebrating the break in how God designed for families to be? Not exactly what we are moving towards.

AND

What that doesn’t mean is that we won’t talk about it. We very much intend to talk about it, but like her awareness that this will be her first birthday in our home and away from her birth family and the roller coaster of emotions that has brought with it, we want to keep emotions even and stable for HER sake. It’s not something to be hyped or given a level of excitement that feels unnatural. It’s something that is allowed to be and honestly should be dynamic.

It’s grief of her first three years, unlearning and relearning almost everything, it’s continued trust with us and stability in our home, it’s the highs and lows and everything else. We want to take this time to tell her how much she means to us and give her space to communicate and process.

Yes, the one year mark feels monumental for so many reasons, but while as a culture we love to celebrate momentous occasions this is one that will be reserved and reflective. Because it’s grief and restoration, beauty from ashes, a work in progress all in God’s timing and sovereignty.

When I get frustrated with her over this, that, and the other I just try to put myself in her shoes for a minute. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it helps you frame to even a tiny degree what this year has been for her, and how much she’s truly overcome.

One day, we may celebrate, she may want to > but that’s for her to decide. So we are going to go CRAZY for her turning 4, and then let her dictate the rest.