To the Women In My Corner and Giving Yourself Grace Amidst it All

Two years in as an adoptive mom.

My daughter is simply brilliant, sometimes I have to step back in the more challenging moments and take account of all she’s been through and how much she’s overcome. In two years our family has been through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows of integrating together, but the pressing creates something beautiful. God is always faithful.

Both of my kids just started Kindergarten in a charter program about 10 minutes from our home. After such a short (or walkable) route to school last year and at a place that was all play based I was a little nervous about the structure and challenges (good and bad) integrating into a ‘standard’ schooling system, and they have both blown me away at their adaptability and resilience.

When I think about our girl it’s hard not to think about how much change she’s had in such a short amount of time she’s been apart of our family. Schools, church classrooms, the regular growing pains of 2–5 years old. None of it easy, most of it overcome in amazing ways.

It’s hard not to hold onto the guilt of some of the unavoidable transitions, the unavoidable conversations we’ve had to have, and the change of therapy options over the course of the last few years. When trust is already hard to build my husband and I have to be so discerning in which variables need to change and which need to be ridden out even if it isn’t our number once choice.

For parents across the board days and weeks are full of decisions we make for our children, and even across biological systems they way you process those are so different between children. I often think it’s that much more processing with mine because of the gaps in knowledge about our daughter’s first 3 years. It’s one thing to account for differences among kids, it’s another when there is basically no historical information available. Not harder, but insanely different. When making decisions for both of our children we consider very different upbringings, motivations, trust aspects, and ability to adapt to challenges. That’s meant a few more structured energy outlets for our son and a little more free time to create for our daughter.

Once I got over putting them both in the same general box for decision making I realized how much easier it felt. They needed their own boxes to delineate from.

The other aspect is allowing your community to show up even when it feels unnecessary. God calls us into community, it’s a core of how He wants us to live. There are moments that I’ve felt exhausted, completely melted down, unable to keep going, just fighting for bedtime and until the past two years have been someone who can muscle through. One of the beautiful gifts my daughter has taught me is to let people see you, let them walk through the door, offer a meal, a hand, a moment to breathe, a listening ear.

And then be that for someone else.

I could go on and on about the lessons I’ve learned and probably will but I want to boil it down to two things for the first two years:

1. In parenting always be willing and flexible enough to think outside the box. Not just for adoptive parents, but for everyone.
2. When you find your people work tirelessly to forge those relationships so that on any given day or hour you know people have your back and you have there’s! Raising kids together is the best, and so is knowing you always have a shoulder to cry on.

Moving through this journey is one of the most formative parts of my life and I’m so blessed to be on it even in the hardest of days!

But bigger shout out to the girls who have literally let me cry, held my hand, given me a hug, and just sat with me when there weren’t words but we had each other and I knew their prayers and actions were fighting for my family when I simply couldn’t.